I'm gonna have a badass scar
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
pray to the hookup gods
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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