I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
