before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You smell like stripper and shame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
