Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
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