is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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