I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
