I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
