I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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