I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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