That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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