Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
