and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sext me about skeletons
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
