I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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