Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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