It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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