and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
