I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
