Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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