i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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