Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
