you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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