we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
