If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
