The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
