i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
