we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
