I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
