Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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