I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
