Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
