dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
