I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
