About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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