Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
