Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
