i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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