why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
