I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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