So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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