I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
