So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
