Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
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I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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