Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you didnt know i had herpes?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
