Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked a lego.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
