Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
