Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I want to make a zoo with you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
