Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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