i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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