How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
