maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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