Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
