Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We had to coat check the pizza.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
