I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
