just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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