If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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