hotel room ftw
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
