She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
