Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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