you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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