We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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