HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
