i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
