Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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