Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
