I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
