i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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