This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She announced her abortion via fbk
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
