My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
