woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
