dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
