She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
