Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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