Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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