I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
