I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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